photos of the millennium

when will this world learn
that we cannot win with hatred?
when will we realize
that we're all fighting the same fight?
haven't we been taught
that you can't fight fire with fire?
yet here we are
and this whole world is going up in a blaze,
flames of hate consuming us.
maybe the smoke is clouding our judgement,
blinding us from what is truly happening,
adding fuel to our burning rage.
we can rationalize and desensitize ourselves from this mess
but without compassion
we lose everything that makes us human.
in the midst of all this chaos
we can still make peace.
we can still show the world
that we can love
that we can push our differences aside
and love each other.

photograph 2003

this is me
pressed against the side of my mother
wide smile and squinted eyes
so proud to look like the woman i thought was a super hero

this is me
before insecurities stole my smile
ashamed of my teeth
embarrassed of my nose

this is me
before the woman i looked up to tore me down
before i realized the woman i was standing next to was not so heroic after all

this is me
before i lost myself
before i found myself again
before i learned that the world is full of bad people
but it's also full of wonderful people
before i forgot how to love myself and others
before i remembered again

this was me
but it isn't me anymore

a view into another time

violet squirmed in her restrictive dress, pulling at the starched collar in a way that reminded me of a restrained animal. my mother scolded her, pushing her hands down and smoothing out her dress again. today was the day we were all to get our photographs done. we put on our best dresses and curled our hair into tight rings, and then rushed into town in our beaten up model-t, all of us jostling around on the dirt road to arrive on time. i stood off to the side of the set up, watching my mother struggle to get my siblings to cooperate. the photographer perched behind the camera, ducking underneath a thick black blanket and emerging every few seconds to instruct my mother on adjustments to make in the twins' positions. my frantic mother fluttered around anxiously, tugging at their dresses or flattening their hair back into place. watching her try to hold herself together made me pity her. getting our photographs taken had been my father's idea. after he passed away, my mother couldn't bear to cancel our appointment. she went through with it, as if to prove she was fine. she was not fine. nobody else could tell, but i could. i could see it in the slight tremble in her hand every time she reached out to separate one of the twins' glossy corkscrew curls. i could see it in her eyes, the glassy look that told me she was not all there. i could see it in the way she held herself, as if she was about to crumble at any moment, as if her insides had all been scraped out and all that was left was her skeleton, bones sagging under her heavy heart. the photographer seemed finally content with the girls' positioning and snapped the picture, the flashbulbs temporarily blinding us all. the photograph would take a while to develop but i knew what i'd see when we got it back. two little girls clutching each other in oblivion, and not pictured, a mother that was falling apart while desperately trying to hold things in place. 

friends

on friday i met venus and coco. they were both very quiet but i learned quite a bit about what their schools were like just by comparing ours to theirs. when piper told them her zodiac sign and asked if they knew what it meant, they understood and informed us that they were both pisces. i shared my appreciation for track and also that i'm on the yearbook staff here. venus was very interested in our journalism room and the fact that we create and disseminate our own work to our peers. i showed her last year's yearbook and she was fascinated, flipping through all the pages and seeing all the faces and pictures. we basically made our way through the whole school, and they were surprised at all the different electives we have. venus said "i wish that i studied here" because our school looks much easier and like more fun. this experience made me honestly grateful that high school in america isn't just all work and we have classes that we actually enjoy along with the more difficult ones. i also learned that a lot of the things i take for granted about our school systems aren't an option in most chinese schools. if we had more time i would probably have asked what venus and coco's schedules would have been like had they gone to kickapoo or a school like it. 

photo hunt

picture one: someone/something that makes me laugh/smile. kenia is such a sweet, funny person. i find myself constantly laughing about silly things we've said or done when i'm around her. she's an amazing friend, and definitely a good person to have around during bad times. 

picture two: someone who has taught you something or helped you somehow. piper has definitely taught me how to be more carefree and go with  the flow, while also paying more attention to the feelings of those around me. 

picture three: someone you'd like to be more like. emily is an extremely organized, level-headed person. basically, she is all the things i am not. if i had even half the proactive mindset of her, i'd be set up for an amazing time at college. however, my procrastination tendencies are probably going to be the death of me. 

picture four: something quintessentially american. i don't think there is anything more american than its first occupants. america's history can not be separated from the native americans' history. 

picture five: something square. this chief head is a marker from the class of '78. it's taboo and disrespectful to step on the chief head, but this tradition of stepping over it has become lost through the years. 

 picture six: something round. yet another chief head, yet this one is not quite as meaningful. it came with the remodel of the new student center and the library.

 picture seven: an interesting angle. this is a picture taken from behind the bleachers in the slot. not many people know about or go into the slot, but i love this hidden little nook.

 picture eight: something handwritten. this is the suggestion locker next to the cabinet room. i think we're supposed to put suggestions in there, but i don't think anyone ever does.

 picture nine: something from nature. a red bud tree blossoms in one of the courtyards. this is such a pretty little place but hardly anyone ever utilizes it.

 picture ten: something that looks like a face but really isn't. yeah, i'm cliche and i used outlets. i'm not creative. bite me.

picture eleven: something that a little kid might notice or find interesting. the dinosaur head in the science hallway fascinates many a high schooler, so it would probably be interesting to a kid as well.

 picture twelve: something that makes you feel nostalgic/brings back an important memory. this is one of the couches in the commons. specifically, it's the couch that kenia and i nap on every morning in first block. it's definitely going to be one of the things i remember about kickapoo because it's probably the best time i've had here. naps rock.

picture thirteen: something that irritates you or other people. this is a picture of the girls' locker room door. there is a sign on it explaining how it's kept locked during the day to prevent thefts. this is a very irritating thing for me, seeing at they sometimes keep it locked before and after school as well. how am i supposed to use the locker room if i can never get in? another nice thing that would be helpful in preventing thefts in the locker room would be some sort of container that you could lock your valuables in so that people couldn't get into them. OH WAIT. THAT'S WHAT THE LOCKERS ARE FOR. *frog emoji* *tea emoji*

picture fourteen: something that is beautiful. this weight rack and bench have been with me forever. i love squatting and lifting so for me, this is a beautiful sight. 

picture fifteen: something that will always remind you of being at KHS. lockers are the trademark item of american high schools. these ugly yellow chipped lockers are a staple of kickapoo. 

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

dan in real life

1.
i think it's definitely important to write about what you know when you're giving advice to others and disseminating it to the public. however, i feel that with like with most things, the more you write about what you don't know, the more you learn. if there's something you're wary about writing (such as a certain style of writing that you're not comfortable with), it's important to just get out there and write it. 

2. 
parents know as little about what they're doing as the children they're trying to successfully parent. sometimes they do things wrong and treat their children unfairly. i get it. but there are a couple of things they could be doing that'd make getting along with their children go a little more smoothly. 
one: don't decide their future for them. two: if you don't ever give them the chance to be trusted, they will never be trustworthy. three: support them, acknowledge them, understand the amount of pressure they are under and that school is just as hard/harder than it was in your day, expectations are much higher, and jobs are much scarcer. it's scary. let them know that you understand this. 

3.
i would love to write for a newspaper or magazine. however, i'm not sure that i would want to do something like an advice column. although an advice columnist is a worthy career, i feel like i'd rather write about things that are more real, influential, and important. i dream about writing about important current events and international news. i want to be the reliable source that people go to to get informed on worldly issues. if i were to write for a newspaper it'd have to be a fairly popular one, because i want my work to be seen on a large scale and make an actual difference. 

13.
i don't think well-traveled people are necessarily more interesting than people who haven't traveled quite as much, they just have more stories and firsthand knowledge about other cultures than people who haven't been anywhere. what makes you an interesting person isn't where you've been, it's what you do with the thoughts and opinions you have on the things that you have experienced. people who've never even left their hometown could very well be just as interesting or even more so than those who are well traveled. it's not what you have, it's what you do with what you have that counts. in this case what you have is travel experience.

20.
i think asking questions makes you a very good conversationalist, as long as you listen to the answers the person is providing and actually act like you're interested in what they're saying. people love to talk about themselves, so they'll feel very comfortable and open with you if you ask questions and actually act like you care about what they have to say. 

Dear Jennifer and Betty,

In my class lately, we have been discussing stereotypes and perceptions of Americans and those of other cultures. I know that for you, you probably hear a lot about Americans being fat and loud. You probably also hear that we are dumb and lazy. While I can’t deny that some of us are some or all of those things, I can say that not all of us are. As an American looking at Chinese people, there are also many inaccurate stereotypes that I have heard about your culture. Some of the things I have heard commonly are that all Chinese people eat is rice and noodles, all they do is work, they are very smart (which I’m sure is accurate!), and they eat cats and dogs. Some of these things you may think sound right, while others sound silly. I’m just repeating what I’ve heard.

Some things that are very big issues in America at the moment are same sex marriage, legalizing marijuana, racism, sexism, religious persecution, immigration, politics (because of the upcoming presidential election), and gun control laws. Do you see anything that is also an issue for you in China?

Some of the issues I listed in my previous paragraph are issues that I have very strong opinions on. Some of the time I am able to talk to people about them without getting angry or passionate, but oftentimes I find myself in the middle of a debate or argument if someone disagrees with me. What type of person are you?

I’m sure by seeing the clips of American television that you have, you are probably confused as to whether it is good to intervene in people’s business or not. All I can say is that if it puts someone in danger or harm’s way, it should be appropriate to intervene. Danger may come in the form of physical danger or harassment.

One issue I listed that was a big problem in America is sexism. On the question of whether misogyny is still an issue in America, my answer is a firm yes. As you probably saw in the episode of Wife Swap we watched, the man of the house often talked back and said degrading things to the woman, along with expecting her to do traditionally female tasks, such as make dinner for him and cater to his every need.

I don’t know how different Chinese women are to American women. American women are still fighting to be treated and recognized as equal to men. Do Chinese women also have this issue? Is it better? Worse? Do women have different roles than men?

Thank you for reading and considering all of the questions in this letter. I hope you get back to me soon!

Sincerely,

Sophia

movie quotes

movies

my favorite movie is probably stuck in love. there are so many reasons for my love for this movie. besides the fact that it isn't a complete cliche of a movie, its soundtrack is probably one of the best movie soundtracks of all time. not to mention at one point in the movie there is a mentioning of fevers and mirrors, an album by my favorite band, bright eyes. it is also a movie about writers, which i mean, come on. that's pretty cool. i love writers. i am a writer. we are all writers. another reason i love it is because of how it demonstrates pure sadness. it takes a talented person to convey such pain in a movie and let me tell you, i cry multiple times every time i watch it. it's so good. trust me.


movies that i don't like are scary/horror movies. i hate them. they scare the crap out of me. after watching said movies, i either can't sleep for the next week or have consistent nightmares. i don't understand the appeal of scaring myself half to death, but i guess some people don't understand why i like to watch movies that make me sad. i guess for my answer i'd say that pain is beautiful in a way. as for the valid answer to why i should put myself through a horror movie, i'm still waiting.


i watch movies fairly infrequently because i am so busy. i tend to watch tv shows more often because they are shorter so i can tackle them more quickly. as far as what i need to watch a movie, i need total darkness, a comfy couch, a blanket, and a big loud tv.


if there was a movie about me, the major plot points would probably be me having breakdowns where i cry profusely before bursting into laughter. these would be quite frequent. all in all, though, it'd be a pretty happy movie. i'd be able to get through these frequent breakdowns with the help of my super cool pals and many lo mein and movie nights.


these are the results of my movie survey.


• YOU ARE 83% EXTRAVERTED.
• You are extraverted, outgoing, active and high-spirited. You prefer to be around people most of the time.
• YOU ARE 50% AGREEABLE.
• You are generally warm, trusting, and agreeable, but you can sometimes be stubborn and competitive.
• YOU ARE 25% CONSCIENTIOUS.
• You are easygoing, not very well organised, and sometimes careless. You prefer not to make plans.
• YOU ARE 67% EMOTIONALLY STABLE.
• You are generally calm and able to deal with stress, but you sometimes experience feelings of guilt, anger and sadness.
• YOU ARE 92% OPEN TO NEW EXPERIENCES.
• You are open to new experiences. You have broad interests and are very imaginative.