farewells

Dear Jennifer,

I feel as if I'm always apologizing for getting back to you so late, but it has been a very hectic few months. We are in the most important part of track season at the moment, we just had prom, and graduation is Friday. Everything is drawing to a close, yet I feel as if there is more to do than ever. Today is my last day of high school ever. It's crazy to think that after thirteen years of public schooling, I'll be out on my own soon. I'm both scared and excited, both happy and sad, but I am ready for the new chapter in my life to start. 

I love that you are making goals and trying to reach them, but try not to be so hard on yourself! Calling yourself fat is more harmful than it is helpful to you. Try to compliment yourself on what you're doing right rather than your faults. You are a beautiful, smart girl, so remember that! 

I enjoy much of the music that you listed, along with a lot of lesser known indie music. I always find it so surprising that American music is popular around the world, yet we hardly hear music from other countries. I wonder why that is? 

Since today is the last day of classes for me, we have also been given the option to say our goodbyes and discontinue communication with you, or to continue on even after school is over. As for me, I would be happy to continue communicating and I feel like I will have much more time to reply once I am no longer in classes. So, please reply with your decision. I look forward to hearing from you again!

Sincerely,

Sophia

Dear Betty,

I feel as if I'm always apologizing for getting back to you so late, but it has been a very hectic few months. We are in the most important part of track season at the moment, we just had prom, and graduation is Friday. Everything is drawing to a close, yet I feel as if there is more to do than ever. Today is my last day of high school ever. It's crazy to think that after thirteen years of public schooling, I'll be out on my own soon. I'm both scared and excited, both happy and sad, but I am ready for the new chapter in my life to start. 

It is very interesting to hear about the similar social issues that our countries share, despite the vast cultural differences. It is wonderful to hear that your country faces much less sexism than ours, because it is still a very big issue here. 

As far as having WEIXIN or QQ, I have honestly never heard of those applications before. I can check to see if they are available here, but I am not sure they are. 

Since today is the last day of classes for me, we have also been given the option to say our goodbyes and discontinue communication with you, or to continue on even after school is over. As for me, I would be happy to continue communicating and I feel like I will have much more time to reply once I am no longer in classes. So, please reply with your decision. I look forward to hearing from you again!

Sincerely,

Sophia

photos of the millennium

when will this world learn
that we cannot win with hatred?
when will we realize
that we're all fighting the same fight?
haven't we been taught
that you can't fight fire with fire?
yet here we are
and this whole world is going up in a blaze,
flames of hate consuming us.
maybe the smoke is clouding our judgement,
blinding us from what is truly happening,
adding fuel to our burning rage.
we can rationalize and desensitize ourselves from this mess
but without compassion
we lose everything that makes us human.
in the midst of all this chaos
we can still make peace.
we can still show the world
that we can love
that we can push our differences aside
and love each other.

photograph 2003

this is me
pressed against the side of my mother
wide smile and squinted eyes
so proud to look like the woman i thought was a super hero

this is me
before insecurities stole my smile
ashamed of my teeth
embarrassed of my nose

this is me
before the woman i looked up to tore me down
before i realized the woman i was standing next to was not so heroic after all

this is me
before i lost myself
before i found myself again
before i learned that the world is full of bad people
but it's also full of wonderful people
before i forgot how to love myself and others
before i remembered again

this was me
but it isn't me anymore

a view into another time

violet squirmed in her restrictive dress, pulling at the starched collar in a way that reminded me of a restrained animal. my mother scolded her, pushing her hands down and smoothing out her dress again. today was the day we were all to get our photographs done. we put on our best dresses and curled our hair into tight rings, and then rushed into town in our beaten up model-t, all of us jostling around on the dirt road to arrive on time. i stood off to the side of the set up, watching my mother struggle to get my siblings to cooperate. the photographer perched behind the camera, ducking underneath a thick black blanket and emerging every few seconds to instruct my mother on adjustments to make in the twins' positions. my frantic mother fluttered around anxiously, tugging at their dresses or flattening their hair back into place. watching her try to hold herself together made me pity her. getting our photographs taken had been my father's idea. after he passed away, my mother couldn't bear to cancel our appointment. she went through with it, as if to prove she was fine. she was not fine. nobody else could tell, but i could. i could see it in the slight tremble in her hand every time she reached out to separate one of the twins' glossy corkscrew curls. i could see it in her eyes, the glassy look that told me she was not all there. i could see it in the way she held herself, as if she was about to crumble at any moment, as if her insides had all been scraped out and all that was left was her skeleton, bones sagging under her heavy heart. the photographer seemed finally content with the girls' positioning and snapped the picture, the flashbulbs temporarily blinding us all. the photograph would take a while to develop but i knew what i'd see when we got it back. two little girls clutching each other in oblivion, and not pictured, a mother that was falling apart while desperately trying to hold things in place. 

friends

on friday i met venus and coco. they were both very quiet but i learned quite a bit about what their schools were like just by comparing ours to theirs. when piper told them her zodiac sign and asked if they knew what it meant, they understood and informed us that they were both pisces. i shared my appreciation for track and also that i'm on the yearbook staff here. venus was very interested in our journalism room and the fact that we create and disseminate our own work to our peers. i showed her last year's yearbook and she was fascinated, flipping through all the pages and seeing all the faces and pictures. we basically made our way through the whole school, and they were surprised at all the different electives we have. venus said "i wish that i studied here" because our school looks much easier and like more fun. this experience made me honestly grateful that high school in america isn't just all work and we have classes that we actually enjoy along with the more difficult ones. i also learned that a lot of the things i take for granted about our school systems aren't an option in most chinese schools. if we had more time i would probably have asked what venus and coco's schedules would have been like had they gone to kickapoo or a school like it. 

photo hunt

picture one: someone/something that makes me laugh/smile. kenia is such a sweet, funny person. i find myself constantly laughing about silly things we've said or done when i'm around her. she's an amazing friend, and definitely a good person to have around during bad times. 

picture two: someone who has taught you something or helped you somehow. piper has definitely taught me how to be more carefree and go with  the flow, while also paying more attention to the feelings of those around me. 

picture three: someone you'd like to be more like. emily is an extremely organized, level-headed person. basically, she is all the things i am not. if i had even half the proactive mindset of her, i'd be set up for an amazing time at college. however, my procrastination tendencies are probably going to be the death of me. 

picture four: something quintessentially american. i don't think there is anything more american than its first occupants. america's history can not be separated from the native americans' history. 

picture five: something square. this chief head is a marker from the class of '78. it's taboo and disrespectful to step on the chief head, but this tradition of stepping over it has become lost through the years. 

 picture six: something round. yet another chief head, yet this one is not quite as meaningful. it came with the remodel of the new student center and the library.

 picture seven: an interesting angle. this is a picture taken from behind the bleachers in the slot. not many people know about or go into the slot, but i love this hidden little nook.

 picture eight: something handwritten. this is the suggestion locker next to the cabinet room. i think we're supposed to put suggestions in there, but i don't think anyone ever does.

 picture nine: something from nature. a red bud tree blossoms in one of the courtyards. this is such a pretty little place but hardly anyone ever utilizes it.

 picture ten: something that looks like a face but really isn't. yeah, i'm cliche and i used outlets. i'm not creative. bite me.

picture eleven: something that a little kid might notice or find interesting. the dinosaur head in the science hallway fascinates many a high schooler, so it would probably be interesting to a kid as well.

 picture twelve: something that makes you feel nostalgic/brings back an important memory. this is one of the couches in the commons. specifically, it's the couch that kenia and i nap on every morning in first block. it's definitely going to be one of the things i remember about kickapoo because it's probably the best time i've had here. naps rock.

picture thirteen: something that irritates you or other people. this is a picture of the girls' locker room door. there is a sign on it explaining how it's kept locked during the day to prevent thefts. this is a very irritating thing for me, seeing at they sometimes keep it locked before and after school as well. how am i supposed to use the locker room if i can never get in? another nice thing that would be helpful in preventing thefts in the locker room would be some sort of container that you could lock your valuables in so that people couldn't get into them. OH WAIT. THAT'S WHAT THE LOCKERS ARE FOR. *frog emoji* *tea emoji*

picture fourteen: something that is beautiful. this weight rack and bench have been with me forever. i love squatting and lifting so for me, this is a beautiful sight. 

picture fifteen: something that will always remind you of being at KHS. lockers are the trademark item of american high schools. these ugly yellow chipped lockers are a staple of kickapoo. 

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

dan in real life

1.
i think it's definitely important to write about what you know when you're giving advice to others and disseminating it to the public. however, i feel that with like with most things, the more you write about what you don't know, the more you learn. if there's something you're wary about writing (such as a certain style of writing that you're not comfortable with), it's important to just get out there and write it. 

2. 
parents know as little about what they're doing as the children they're trying to successfully parent. sometimes they do things wrong and treat their children unfairly. i get it. but there are a couple of things they could be doing that'd make getting along with their children go a little more smoothly. 
one: don't decide their future for them. two: if you don't ever give them the chance to be trusted, they will never be trustworthy. three: support them, acknowledge them, understand the amount of pressure they are under and that school is just as hard/harder than it was in your day, expectations are much higher, and jobs are much scarcer. it's scary. let them know that you understand this. 

3.
i would love to write for a newspaper or magazine. however, i'm not sure that i would want to do something like an advice column. although an advice columnist is a worthy career, i feel like i'd rather write about things that are more real, influential, and important. i dream about writing about important current events and international news. i want to be the reliable source that people go to to get informed on worldly issues. if i were to write for a newspaper it'd have to be a fairly popular one, because i want my work to be seen on a large scale and make an actual difference. 

13.
i don't think well-traveled people are necessarily more interesting than people who haven't traveled quite as much, they just have more stories and firsthand knowledge about other cultures than people who haven't been anywhere. what makes you an interesting person isn't where you've been, it's what you do with the thoughts and opinions you have on the things that you have experienced. people who've never even left their hometown could very well be just as interesting or even more so than those who are well traveled. it's not what you have, it's what you do with what you have that counts. in this case what you have is travel experience.

20.
i think asking questions makes you a very good conversationalist, as long as you listen to the answers the person is providing and actually act like you're interested in what they're saying. people love to talk about themselves, so they'll feel very comfortable and open with you if you ask questions and actually act like you care about what they have to say.